What is NLP? Why has been the significant area of study and practice in my life to date?
When my wife was diagnosed with cancer and years later died, my experience and learnings of NLP got me through those years and is one of the reasons for the ‘dream’ of a life I am living now…….
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and here is the booking link:
https://birthing4blokes.com/nlp-for-birth-workers-webinar-series/
‘Language is the house of ‘being’ where in ‘people’ dwell’.
At the heart of the ‘stories’ that human beings live in is ‘language’, it’s the conduit that mediates our experience of the ‘world’……it’s slippery, the ‘stories’ that shape my life the ‘most’ are probably running at a deeply unconscious level, all the while ‘silently’ shaping my behaviour and actions.
Our words have tremendous power, wether we are conscious of it or not, when I say ‘words’, of course the words themselves are not the whole picture when it comes to ‘language’.
‘Words’ occur in ‘contexts’, with ‘tones of voice’, kind of like ‘staging’ if you like……an example could be the work ‘fuck’………
I remember my 6 year old son saying to me, ‘dad, I’m not allowed to say the word ‘FUCK’ am I? Said with emphasis 😳
‘Well’, I said, ‘fuck’ is just a word’ I went on ‘it’s not that your not allowed to to say it, it’s just that some people can get offended when they hear it’, so, it’s probably best not to say it at school’😳
He looked thoughtful, and after a minute or so, with wide, playful eyes he asked, ‘can I say ‘chuffin’ ‘?
‘Yeah’, I said ‘chiffin’ won’t offend anyone’.
‘Ok then, this chuffin milk is BLOODY freezing’☺️😳
I think he got the point, language is powerful, it has the power to destroy a life or create a destiny.
Coming soon, NLP and birth worker webinar, 3 x 1 hour long sessions. Wondering what NLP is? Heard of it but want to learn more about this powerful communication model?
www.birthing4blokes.com Leave your email and I will send you details.
When it comes to doing domestic stuff around the house, I have a ‘mantra’, ‘what would Trez do’?
It’s not that her ways is the right way, or even the best way, it’s ‘just’ her way.
When I do it her way, she ‘feels’ better.
Of course listening to her talk about why she does it that way (until she has finished), and then offering suggestions about different ways happens too.
My ‘relationship’ with and to money began to transform when I had these insights…….
I realised recently if I treated my loved ones like I treated ‘money’, they wouldn’t want to be around me😔.
If I imagine for a moment that ‘money’ was a person, I have said ‘I hate you’, ‘you make me do things I don’t want too’, ‘you control my life’, you are dirty and do bad things’, ‘secretly I want you and I’m ashamed’, ‘I’ll do this or that, but it’s not for your sake’, these are some of the ways I’ve behaved towards ‘money’.
What if I loved ‘money’ like a friend? How would ‘money’ like to be treated? What ways of behaving encourage it to spend time with me? What does it like? Etc etc, you get the idea right?
Then I thought, when ‘money’ likes to be around me, when I truly ‘love money’, what could we do together? What experiences could we create to benefit ourselves…
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We can and should be shaping birth culture with our words and phrases. Purposeful evolution no less.
Where to start with our ‘revolution of words’? Look at any phrases that even suggest that SHE has to do what we say.
Next notice words and phrases or even just ‘tones of voice’ that suggest that we know best.
Watching our words and phrases as midwives has to be a conscious practice.
Our world of experiences is created through the language we use to speak to ourselves. The easiest person to fool is us.
The way we talk is generated through an unconscious process, awareness is needed if we are to be leaders in creating a new birthing culture, one that pregnant women can express their innate birthing brilliance with in freely.
We’ve come a long way together. You now have plenty of information that you can use in the next few months, and, indeed, in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
I have written this book to inspire action. Just reading it will not change or transform anything: what matters now is the action you take.
You might start with actions that don’t involve any physical exertion at all: sitting, listening while she talks and watching as she makes what may seem like disparate connections in her mind.
When you invest yourself in creating a deep connection with her, your life together will begin to transform.
You are building the foundation that will support you into heroic fatherhood.
Your mission should by now be very clear: do all you can to stimulate oxytocin release in her.
This would be a good goal even if she wasn’t pregnant; when she is swimming in oxytocin her stress levels are reduced, she is more likely to be content, creatively engaged with life and to radiate beauty.
The side effect of all this is that you are more likely to get laid – result!
When it comes to giving birth, oxytocin is crucially important, as we have discussed at some length. It keeps birth buzzing along, and as she connects to you, a bubble of safety is created.
All of the actions we have spoken about will begin to bear fruit: your joint slow dance play list, the multiple weekly massages… your understanding of all that’s going on around you and the work you have done together will be all the preparation you need to be fully present with her as her body works to birth your baby.
These are exciting times indeed.
One cautionary reminder about the birth environment.
If you have chosen a hospital birth, you may not be offered much help to maintain the atmosphere of connection and love.
You will have to step up into connection warrior mode: resist the impulse to ‘fix’ the environment if this will distract you or disconnect you from her.
You’ll know if this is happening – take a deep breath (You have been practising, right?), regroup and focus your energies on her.
I remember hearing one of those American self-help gurus say – shout really – that he was ‘IT’ today.
He had just told the story of his morning routine, and he said that when he sat on the edge of his bed, coming out from his rump was a thick electric cable with a plug on it.
Intrigued? I was too (though I’m pretty sure it was a metaphor). He went on, ‘I stand up, breathe deeply, then plug myself in.’
At this point he started to shake vigorously as the electric shock stimulated his whole mind and body.
He started shouting… ‘I AM IT today, I am IT today, there is no one else today, I am all there is.’
At first, like me, you could be excused for thinking that this was the narcissistic ranting of a mad man.
But then I thought about it. How do I experience the world?
It dawned on me that the world I experience is received through my data-receiving instruments, my senses.
I receive the data and then make meaning out of it. In fact, I AM IT today.
My perceptions of all that is going on around me are completely my OWN.
Even when ‘things’ happen to me, ultimately I get to decide what they mean, to me and for me.
We’ve reached the end of our time together, and now, as always, YOU ARE IT.
Take action, use all the resources the book points you to, get in touch with me if and when you need to.
Do something today, now, that will help you move towards the life-enhancing goal of forging a deep, loving and beautiful connection to your lover.
Take action now visit www.birthing4blokes.com
Last chance to join a group of early adopters/investors for a Bata launch on the 12 July ☺️
On the Birthing For Blokes programme we set ‘homework’ after each session.
After the first week each man is asked to offer his partner two massages with oil a week leading up to the birth.
He is not to tell her that he has been told to do it, and along with these acts of love he is to think of three other ways that he can express his love for her non-verbally.
At anytime in her pregnant the massage might become a sensual one, ideally leading to her experiencing a body-shaking climax.
All the time you are restraining yourself from following through on your own excitement: no finishing off on her breasts! This is for her, not you.
Your self-sacrifice will send powerful non-verbal messages about your ability to be fully present and focused on her.
The discipline required forms part of your training to be present and create a safe space for her later, when the unfolding drama of birth threatens to draw you in and wring you out.
There are at least five benefits of her having regular orgasms at this stage in her pregnancy:
She likes it.
It causes her uterine muscle to contract, encouraging blood flow to the baby and exercising the muscle.
It bathes her brain in the hormone responsible for great birth.
It stimulates a sense of togetherness between the two of you.
If she is being advised to have the birthing process induced (we will talk about this in a later chapter), it is thought by some that having an orgasm can get things started.
Ok, what’s stopping you? Make the gentle offer……
‘Transforming birthing culture, through training men to be Present as she gives birth’
You still haven’t done it yet? Ok, what’s stopping you? Make the gentle offer……again……
www.birthing4blokes.com
‘Transforming birthing culture, through training men to be Present as she gives birth’
