What is NLP, and why would a professional birth work want to master it?


This might sound melodramatic but when Diane (my late wife) was diagnosed with cancer for the first time nearly 18 years ago, NLP saved my life, at very least that’s how it feels.

We were home schooling 5 children under 7 years old at the time, and I was working long hours to make enough money for us to live on.

When I heard the news, my mind went into ‘melt down’, horrendous ‘hallucinations’ of future events began to play out in my mind, what I discovered through NLP, enabled me to begin, slowly at first, to take back ‘control’ of my thinking and my life.

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming is fundamentally a ‘model of communication’. Discovered my Dr Bandler & Dr Grinder in the early 1970’s.

Neuro, refers to the nervous system: NLP uses the principles and patterns of the nervous system.

Linguistics, points to NLP’s understanding that in some ways language is a product of the nervous system, but NLP goes further in stating that language ‘stimulates’ and ‘shapes’ activity deep within the ‘meaning-making’ patterns of human beings.

Programming refers to NLP’s insight into the process of human learning, memory and creativity as functions of the ‘neuro linguistic programs’ present within every human beings, both conscious patterns and unconscious ones ( borrowed from the work of R Dilts).

Why ‘should’ a birth worker learn NLP?


You will learn how to develop a deep sense of rapport with anyone, this sense of connection development can become almost instant.

You will discover a greater degree of flexibility in your use of language, using words and ‘language patterns’ that connect to those you are speaking too.

You will find that your ‘message’ will be understood by those you want to receive it with little effort.

You will gain a greater control over your own tendency to think the worst.

You will Increase you ability to set a goal and see it through to the finish.

Your ability to support a woman giving birth will increase.

Your birth teaching will ‘hit the mark’ more often

You will have a foundational understanding of what NLP is (and isn’t).

You will know how to ‘break’ personal, persistent habits once and for all.

You will start to build the skills necessary to support women who have experienced birth as traumatic.

You will have had a personal insights as to the power of NLP to change your experience of life as you live it.

How does becoming skilled in NLP lead to all these benefits and more?

To the outside observer the results that some people, skilled in NLP achieve, look like magic….but beneath the apparent effortless work of the practitioner of NLP, is a deeply held insight into the ‘structure of human experience’.

Using the skills and techniques of NLP brings to the birth worker a way of ‘seeing’, ‘hearing’ and even ‘feeling’, the way others are ‘creating’ their unique experience of the world.

This is a foundation program which will kick start your own journey into communication mastery…..it’s a video based online program, when you buy it you will get:

2 videos explaining the fundamentals of NLP
1 video recording of a Live Webinar where some basic NLP strategies are presented and tested.
11 video’s explaining the NLP presuppositions (principles)
A 200 plus page introduction to NLP book.
An Exercise book that comes with the handbook.
One hour (unedited) audio recording of an interview between Mark and Chris Evans.

….and you will have gained all this for £27 (not the £1000 it can cost to do other foundation courses in the wider NLP community)

Here how to get the online program




What do I say I want but don’t have? 

This is a question that I ask myself regularly. 

The answers I give are useful to me because they often uncover areas of dissatisfaction in my life that I am settling for. Kind of living with, like they are the ‘truth’. 

In settling for, and living under the dissatisfaction, I have submitted to being at the ‘effect’ of the circumstances, my feelings etc. 

Life is not going to turn out how it ‘should’, it turns out how it does, and this is it, right now. 

It will be ‘completed’ in no other place…….’my life will be better when, (add anything you like, when I lose weight, have more money etc)…..has often been an unspoken refrain in my less than conscious inner dialogue. 

What’s the truth? 

When I die I will be no less or more satisfied than I am right now. 

The question above helps me to see when I am living my life in the context of being a complaint about life itself, there is no power for living in this place. 

Some one once said, ‘you either have the life you want, or the reasons why you don’t have it’. 

Living like the reasons are ‘true’ works like a justification for the dissatisfaction you are experiencing. 

Spend some time with the question, and see what you uncover.

The Post Man Always Knocks Twice….

He did today anyway, and very loudly thankfully because I was catching up on ‘The Walking Dead’ series, and would have missed him if he didn’t.

We had a polite exchange and then he ‘gave birth to my parcel’. What an amazing experience that was, from deep inside, his power to ‘birth parcels’ was expressed in such a way that I was moved to tears.

How ridiculous I hear you cry, and I know you know where I am going with this, right?

My postman ‘delivered’ my parcel, he had the power to do that, he is trained to do that, and he does it very well thank you.

The debate about birth workers using the word ‘birth’ instead of ‘delivery’ or even ‘catch‘, will inevitably rage on, but the importance of the language we use must never be lost from  view.
Language shapes our personal experience of the world and therefore creates our shared cultural hallucinations.

Our heritage as the human animal has been enormously influenced by our ability to imagine things that have no physical reality and experience them collectively as if they do.

In short, language shapes  and creates culture, I often hear people speak about the current birth culture in the Uk as if it existed separate from them. In truth, if the birth culture in the UK is going to be transformed the words I use matter.

This all may sound to some like ‘political correctness’ gone mad and just the rantings of another birth world extremist, but I ask you to stop and think about my postman giving birth to my parcel,ridiculous, right?

Women Give Birth


let’s point in the direction of true birthing power by using language that makes it very clear in our collective experience where the power lies.

To learn more about my work with mail birthing partners (pun intended) go to: www.birthing4blokes.com 



A New Date For ‘The: Teaching Men About Birth Workshop’ For Birth Professionals & Student Midwives

Teaching Men About Birth: Next Workshop is on Sunday 9th April 2017

Foundation laying one day workshop:

Teaching birth information to men.

In this workshop I will explore with you the differences (between men and women) and how understanding (having an insight) them can make all the difference when teaching couples and men.

Areas covered:

Our own experiences of relating to men

The biophysical differences between the sexes

How men learn, and the conditions required to make even more possible for him to have an insight

The evolutionary biological understanding of the masculine/feminine dance when men and women live with each other

How the dance flows in relationships and sexual intamcy
You will learn exercises that can be taught to men, leading to them having more control over the fight of flight response while she gives birth

We will explore how to teach specific birth subjects while focusing on his mission:

maintaining deep connection to his lover while she births.

Who am I?

I am registered as a midwife.

I love being around people, always have as long I can remember; now with six children of my own and 9 grand children, and teaching workshops I have lots of opportunity to indulge in my people passion.

I have trained and worked as a Nurse, Midwife, Teacher in Further Education, hypnotherapist, NLP trainer, out reach youth worker.

I still work as a Midwife offering a birth education (author of the book Men, Love & Birth) through a programme called, @Birthing4Blokes, work and play often merge for me.

Get in touch with me, I love chatting: Email birthing4blokes@gmail.com

Next Workshop is on Sunday 9th April 2017


Reg 9:30am (10am start)-4:30pm

Tea and coffee will be available. Either bring your own lunch or use one of the many shops etc near by. There is local free parking available on a Sunday.

Price: £35 (Students of all kinds email me)

This course will be suitable for CPD for midwives and other birth professionals.

After the workshop is completed, Slides, Reflective writing frame and certificate is available to all participants.


Tummy2Mummy Baby Scans & Midwifery Services
27 New Street, Hinckley, Leicestershire, LE10 1QY (for sat nav use LE10 1QZ)

Tummy2Mummy are conveniently located five minutes from
Junction 1 and 2 of the M69 in Hinckley town centre.

To Secure you place use the paypal button to pay This Is the PAYPAL BUTTON. Or contact me by email

birthing4blokes@gmail.com for BAC’s payment details

Birth Trauma and Men: ‘I can’t get over this, I will never be the same again’! 

A distressed man on the phone, it had been for him a very difficult experience indeed. 

The story he was living in after watching her giving birth had been effecting his sleep, his relationship with the woman he loves and his work. 

After some time telling his story, he sobbed:

 ‘I can’t get over this, I will never be the same again’! 

Then a pause on the line, a sense of what he had said being the final word. 

Two questions came next: 

‘What would happen in your life if you could ‘get over this’? 


‘What has stopped you ‘getting over this’ until now’? 

No ‘content’ was being offered, the questions just offer him a direction for his meaning/map making search. 

His own deletions, distortions and generalisations, in the answering of the questions, now have the potential to be uncovered and his experience of life expanded. 

As yourself:

 ‘What directions are the questions pointing in’?

‘Do the questions imply any kind of advice or content’? 

‘What has to be assumed by the one answering them’?

Then, having reflected upon those things, take a moment to think about the story you are living in right now.

Begin to get a sense of where in your own life there exists for you a ‘can’t’ or shouldn’t.

Ask yourself the two questions and write down your answers. 

That’s the power of the ‘meta model’ of NLP and it’s only the smallest introduction.


www.birthing4blokes.com Is a six module on line program that prepares men to be truly present as the woman they love gives birth.  

We are learning machines, set on automatic…let’s tinker with the ‘patterns’?

An observation from my own learning history to date :

I began to see a ‘pattern’: 

I have seen it in my own learning over the years….I first ask myself what is this new teaching etc ‘like’….my patterned way of learning looked for similarities with what I already thought I knew in order to make sense of what was being said to me. 

It’s not a bad pattern, it’s just an habitual pattern that I had set on default, it’s one way of learning new things…..

A different way is to find an aspect of what’s being offered and to test it in your experience….TEST it. 

This way may involve suspending what you think it’s like, or what you think you know about it already…..and just following instructions while YOU TEST…

After you have some results from your tests you potentially have some learning which is NEW, maybe even transformational.  

The other way learning is defo useful, it’s served me for years, in my experience the way I’m suggesting you try on here is VERY DIFFERENT.

Is It Time To Set Goal? 

In the past at this time of year I have tended to get caught in something of a ‘goal setting’ trap. 

You know, that sense of frantic, simmering panic that if I don’t do something different things will be the same? 

Well, that way of thinking defiantly makes sense right? 

Doing the same things and expecting different results would be some people’s definition of madness. 

But, hold on a minute, it doesn’t take much reflection to realise that our most consistent actions do not need ‘thinking about’, they ‘just’ turn up again and again, running on automatic, just outside of our conscious awareness. 

The human animal seems to have evolved a perfect system for getting ‘survival’ done.

Chose a ‘pattern’ of behaviour, repeat a pattern of behaviour, forget why you chose it and just do it without having to actively think about it anymore. 

The ‘cherry on the top’ of this perfect ‘survival system’, is our relatively recent ability to now create a ‘story’ about our ‘automatic patterned behaviour’ and call it ‘just who we are’!

No human being experiences ‘reality’ directly. It’s easy to read over that last phrase……STOP…….and read it again. 

No human being experiences ‘reality’ directly.

You, right now are receiving  information from the ‘outside world’ (Reality, whoever that is) through your senses, that information gets transformed into your personal ‘map of the world’ and it’s your maps that are running you life. 

The maps that are running my life are doing it without much of my concious mind involvement. 

As I approach another New Year with many exciting projects ahead in 2017 and beyond, these two ways of seeing the world are making a massive difference to my planning and thinking.

Becoming clearer and clearer about the ‘stories’ I am living in, those which are set on automatic, begins to create a sense of peace in  me as  a place to come from, rather than a place to get to.

Goal setting seems such a good thing too do, and it can be when flowing from Peace, too often in my experience goal setting has been a panicked response to trying to GET peace, and from that place has seldom been helpful. 

What is your ‘experience’ of the ‘story’ you are living in at the moment?  

Unravelling those ‘stories’ and ‘Seeing’ the story beneath it is a great starting place. 

The most powerful ‘intentions’ I set are paradoxically the ones I forget about , when they unfold I’m surprised.

Setting an intention is powerful communication with unconscious process.

Spend time ‘losing yourself’ in ‘intentions’, write em down, then burn em, feeling a deep sense of ‘Peace’.