Unbiased Inform Choice…Myth or Objective ‘Truth’?

We are always communicating and our unconscious mind is responsible for much of what we ‘say’ to others. Objective informed choice is a myth.

Well meaning birth professionals do their best to be unbiased and applauded they should be.

An understanding that communication happens at different levels will only enhance birth professionals information giving practice.

Once I understand the principle of multi level communication I can introduce safe guards against inappropriate influence of pregnant women.

Have you ever met someone for the first time, and for reasons you can’t put your finger on you get a sense that you don’t like them?

You have just experienced a multi level communication. Your unconscious mind has just done a rapid search of every person you have ever met and decided to give you a signal in consciousness (that feeling) to be careful.

Of course at times the signal turns out to be pointing in the wrong direction and this new ‘friend’ is nothing like the composite ones you were being warned about.

Birth professionals be warned, we are communicating all the time, our body, tones of force and even the way we structure our sentences are all offering a pregnant woman’s meaning making a direction to head in.

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Dr Odent Say No, But Is He Out Of Date?

Based on his experience of men entering the birth room and respect for the evolutionary biological adaptations of birthing women, Dr Odent says keep men out, and I get it.

But he doesn’t talk about, or seem to have an experience of a ‘Masculine Presence’ creating a ‘felt sense of safety’, enabling the Feminine to express Herself with abandon, yielded, surrendered, to the pulsations of Life about to be born, the unfolding narrative unhindered by fear.

Dr Odent has had an amazing influence on my life, and I thank him.

Today we have a situation where 95% of all births will have a male partner present, what men need is an understanding of how they can release their Presence in such a way that the women they love do not ‘feel’ observed, in fact his Presence can act like a ‘cloak’, covering her so that the freedom of darkness can be unleashed.

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People Die On ordinary Days.

People die on ordinary days.

I remember talking to a group of people under 20, who had been kicked out of school about the myth of time.

‘There is no future place’, I told them, ‘it’s just an illusion produced by thinking’, ‘there is no past either, it’s just a story you made up about what happened’!

‘All there really is’, I went on, ‘is the moment you are in, this moment’. ‘You wonder how your life will turn out’? ‘Well , here’s the Truth, it turned out, this is it’!!

A small chap on the front row, shouted out, ‘are you saying we should live today like it’s our last’?

‘Hell no’, I said, ‘if I knew today was my last day I wouldn’t be here with you’!

‘I would be home looking my loved ones in the eye, telling them I loved them and that they can do anything in live they choose’.

‘What I’m saying to you is that we should treat everyday like it’s our last ‘ordinary day’!

People wake up on ordinary days, and go to ordinary jobs not realising that this ordinary day will be their last.

People die on ordinary days.

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17 Words and Phrases I’ve Heard Midwives Say That Need SCRAPPING..

17 Words and Phrases I’ve Heard Midwives Say That Need SCRAPPING…if your a midwife and you use any of them…STOP!

Number 1: ‘MY ‘ladies’.

Number 2: ‘you might ‘be ALLOWED’ to have a home birth’…insert anything in for home birth. The language of permission is missing the point.

Number 3: ‘I just catch babies’! Aghhh at most midwives offer support based on reflected upon experience.

Number 4: ‘if you don’t push better than this I’m going to get the doctors’.

Number 5: Stop any references to ‘stages’ of ‘labour’ that suggests that they actually exist! Remember, we MADE them UP! Useful guide? Maybe? Maybe not.

Number 6: ‘They’ are not all the SAME, your experience is useful BUT not absolute, always ‘bow the knee’ to a woman’s sublime uniqueness.

Number 7: Any use of the words ‘they’ or ‘them’ when speaking about pregnant women.

Number 8: ‘pethidine will work well for you.

Number 9: ‘you must get on the bed for me to examine you’.

Number 10: ‘it’s too late for an epidural’.

Number 11: ‘we are going to let you epidural wear of so you can feel when to push’. NO NO NO!

Number 12: ‘if we put your legs into lithotomy you will be able to push better’.

Number 13: ‘If you think this is painful (a comment on so called latent phase of labour), just wait until ‘labour’ starts.

Number 14: ‘it’s too early for gas an air’.

Number 15: with fingers in the woman’s Vagina: ‘RELAX’!

Number 16: ‘just pop on the bed, I’m going to examine you ‘down there’.

Number 17: ‘chin on your chest, hold your breath and with the next contraction…PUUUUUUSH’! This should STOP now.

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#Sprogcast Is Born

Hear Sprogcast# ONE CLICK AWAY:

How very exciting, a podcast aimed at asking and posing questions about pregnancy, birth and early parenthood.

I’m working with Karen Hall, an amazingly up to date, ‘on the money’, breastfeeding specialist and doula.

We are hoping that over the weeks and months ahead #Sprogcast will build into a comprehensive resource for pregnant women, their partners and all birth professionals.

If you have any subject you would like to discuss please leave a comment here or go to Facebook and join the #Sprogcast community.

Each episode includes an interview with a birth profession who has something unique to say about the topic under discussion.

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What Does It Mean To Be Present?

What does it mean to be Present? People ask me. It’s the same as being ‘Grounded’ in my experience.

‘Being grounded’ is what’s left when when identification with a separate self is dropped. It’s the Sky to the clouds, it’s the Silence to the words and music….it defies description in terms of an experience but if we did describe I’d say Peace…..

It’s the experience of waking up to the feeling of my thinking, and experiencing that ‘of course’ moment.

It’s the happiness with no apparent cause, It needs no leverage because it ‘Is’ already, always has been, always will be. It just ‘Is’.

It’s Who I truly Am.

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Speaking So Others Listen

Masculine and feminine ‘energy’, for want of a better word, my girl friend calls me a ‘spiritual wanker’ when I use words like ‘energy’, ‘awareness’ and ‘grounded’, in defending myself I remonstrate that it’s difficult finding words that fit the experience I’m attempting to communicate.

Where was I? That’s it, masculine and feminine energy are not ‘physical body’ issues, we have all met women with a masculine ‘essence’ (another one of those words) and men with a feminine one.

In fact every person on the planet has an alloy of both with one that is dominant, that serves as a directional force, influencing how life is being experienced.

There are obvious differences in how these energies express themselves, popular culture went mad for the book ‘men are from Mars etc’ which was a superficial look at how these differences manifest themselves.

This is the first of a series of blog posts exploring these difference and placing an understanding of their workings inside a birth context.

It’s very obvious when someone points it out, but until they do we can often use approaches that don’t work to communicate to people with one of the two essential foundations from which their lives flow.

A person with a masculine essence for example will respond better to challenge than to praise. While someone rich in female energy will flourish when praised and offered appreciation.

There are many situations when knowing this can make communicating your message much easier and more effective.

For example when a birth professional wants to let potential customers know what services they can provide.

With what we have explored already in mind, what would you guess is the ‘essence’ that a pregnant women is likely to be rich in?

She is likely (there are always exceptions, we are being ‘black and white’ for teaching purposes) to have a feminine essence and therefor more likely to responds to nurturing appriciation and genuine praise.

Any attempt to motivate her through challenge is likely to ’cause’ her to turn off and reject your offering. The woman in the photo is obviously an exception!

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