On the Birthing For Blokes programme we set ‘homework’ after each session.
After the first week each man is asked to offer his partner two massages with oil a week leading up to the birth.
He is not to tell her that he has been told to do it, and along with these acts of love he is to think of three other ways that he can express his love for her non-verbally.
At anytime in her pregnant the massage might become a sensual one, ideally leading to her experiencing a body-shaking climax.
All the time you are restraining yourself from following through on your own excitement: no finishing off on her breasts! This is for her, not you.
Your self-sacrifice will send powerful non-verbal messages about your ability to be fully present and focused on her.
The discipline required forms part of your training to be present and create a safe space for her later, when the unfolding drama of birth threatens to draw you in and wring you out.
There are at least five benefits of her having regular orgasms at this stage in her pregnancy:
She likes it.
It causes her uterine muscle to contract, encouraging blood flow to the baby and exercising the muscle.
It bathes her brain in the hormone responsible for great birth.
It stimulates a sense of togetherness between the two of you.
If she is being advised to have the birthing process induced (we will talk about this in a later chapter), it is thought by some that having an orgasm can get things started.
Ok, what’s stopping you? Make the gentle offer……
‘Transforming birthing culture, through training men to be Present as she gives birth’