and plenty of orgasms☺️: ‘maybe the best preparation’? 

On the Birthing For Blokes programme we set ‘homework’ after each session.

After the first week each man is asked to offer his partner two massages with oil a week leading up to the birth.

He is not to tell her that he has been told to do it, and along with these acts of love he is to think of three other ways that he can express his love for her non-verbally.

At anytime in her pregnant the massage might become a sensual one, ideally leading to her experiencing a body-shaking climax.
All the time you are restraining yourself from following through on your own excitement: no finishing off on her breasts! This is for her, not you.

Your self-sacrifice will send powerful non-verbal messages about your ability to be fully present and focused on her.

The discipline required forms part of your training to be present and create a safe space for her later, when the unfolding drama of birth threatens to draw you in and wring you out.
There are at least five benefits of her having regular orgasms at this stage in her pregnancy:

She likes it.

It causes her uterine muscle to contract, encouraging blood flow to the baby and exercising the muscle.

It bathes her brain in the hormone responsible for great birth.

It stimulates a sense of togetherness between the two of you.

If she is being advised to have the birthing process induced (we will talk about this in a later chapter), it is thought by some that having an orgasm can get things started.

Ok, what’s stopping you? Make the gentle offer……

‘Transforming birthing culture, through training men to be Present as she gives birth’

You still haven’t done it yet? Ok, what’s stopping you? Make the gentle offer……again……
‘Transforming birthing culture, through training men to be Present as she gives birth’

To Do, Or Not To Do a ‘Birth Plan’? Leave Them For Those Who Imagine They Can Control Birth……And Experience This…..

Stop and think about how you would like the ‘story’ of your birth to unfold? 

As you enter into this ‘story’ imagine you are experiencing it, see what you are seeing, hear and smell all that’s happening, and feeling deeply that sense of feminine power….

As you enjoy the experience in all its fullness ….now……resting…..

Feeling rested and powerfully alive, gently come back to this moment and remember it all….

Write it all down, hold it as your story, share it with your partner….and then your midwife.

 Know that it’s a story you want, it includes your preferences and hold it with that sense, knowing it can change as happenings unfold…..

You might begin to notice that it feels different to how a ‘plan’ feels….. ☺️

When you have time do check out my website

Once Upon Time…..In Or Out ‘The Illusion of Just Two Options…..

I voted remain.

I have a million stories in my head at the moment, and im feeling confused and more than a little afraid.

Already I have heard many others speak passionately about their own ‘stories’. 

Yet, this morning the UK spoke collectively (the result works that way), and im beginning to realise that prob the only story that matters is the one I tell myself, because that story will stimulate my emotional response and will ultimately direct my behaviour. 

People I love voted out, kind, internationalist human beings, lovely people who are as far from being racist and xenophobic as it’s possible to be. 

The crafting of our personal ‘narratives’ and our national ones is where I want to focus as we move forward.

The Goal Setting Trap 😔

Becoming clearer and clearer about the ‘stories’ I am living in generates peace as a place to come from in me, not a place to get to.

I used to get caught in the ‘goal setting’ trap.

Goal setting seemed such a good thing too do, and don’t get me wrong it can be when flowing from Peace and not frantically seeking it.

Too often in my experience goal setting has been a panicked response to trying to GET peace, and from that place has seldom been helpful.

What is your ‘experience’ of the ‘story’ you are living in at the moment?

Unravelling those ‘stories’ and ‘Seeing’ the story beneath it is a great starting place.

The most powerful ‘intentions’ I set are paradoxically the ones I forget about , when they unfold I’m surprised.

Setting an intention is powerful communication with unconscious process.

Spend time ‘losing yourself’ in ‘intentions’, write em down, then burn em, feeling a deep sense of ‘Peace’ while you do.

‘Transforming birth experiences, through teaching men to be truly present’

Independent Midwifery Support Freely Given…….

Some of you know, but many probably don’t, that I offer my support as an independent midwife to birth workers and pregnant woman/ couples free of charge via telephone/Skype and when they are near Leicester face to face. 

The kind of issues people ring me about every week relate to a midwifery opinion regarding the challenges they might be facing through out the pregnancy and after. ☺️
This offering has always been free and always will be. 


Skype: @birthing4blokes

Phone: 07725894452

‘Transforming birth experiences, through teaching men to be truly present’

I’m Crying Today……Creative Expresion Equals Life Being Lived……the alternative? ‘Living Like The walking dead’……

There nothing in my experience  as a human being  like the one I have when I’ve ‘laid bear’ where I am ‘at’ as a person.

 A man who wants to love others, while giving  his ‘gift’ back. 

That’s sounds so ‘lame’ as I read it back😔. It’s not even getting close to saying what I want you ‘get’ from me as I write. 

So much of my insecurities around sharing stuff are wrapped up in my own ‘internal/embedded’ stories of not being personally  ‘good enough’ for public ‘consumption’……..

When mixed with the ‘human primate’ tendency to panic about survival, the forces at play in my life make writing, speaking, leading workshops etc a massively  courageous   act, flying  in the face of powerful ‘evolutionary forces’. 

Often I write about wanting the feedback of others, and saying very clearly that the ‘not so positive’ kind is the best kind.

  But I’m a liar😔

The sense of being ‘laid bear’ to the world as I publish stuff feels like waking up in a dream world totally naked. 

When I read reviews that criticise my work it cuts like a knife, and a viscerally personal response is hard not to get lost in.  

But tears come as the hormone generated waves of emotion begin to settle and I begin to ‘see’ what is being said,  I catch a glimpse of where (I guess)!the human being who wrote it is coming from. 

A type of learning available no where else becomes possible……and again I realise that  the not so ‘positive feedback’ is the gold I crave. 

Retreat into silence will never become an option for me, simply because : 

Creative Expresion Equals Life Being Lived……the alternative? ‘Living Like……

The walking dead’……

‘Transforming birth experiences, through teaching men to be truly present’