Birth Trauma and Men: ‘I can’t get over this, I will never be the same again’! 

A distressed man on the phone, it had been for him a very difficult experience indeed. 

The story he was living in after watching her giving birth had been effecting his sleep, his relationship with the woman he loves and his work. 

After some time telling his story, he sobbed:

 ‘I can’t get over this, I will never be the same again’! 

Then a pause on the line, a sense of what he had said being the final word. 

Two questions came next: 

‘What would happen in your life if you could ‘get over this’? 


‘What has stopped you ‘getting over this’ until now’? 

No ‘content’ was being offered, the questions just offer him a direction for his meaning/map making search. 

His own deletions, distortions and generalisations, in the answering of the questions, now have the potential to be uncovered and his experience of life expanded. 

As yourself:

 ‘What directions are the questions pointing in’?

‘Do the questions imply any kind of advice or content’? 

‘What has to be assumed by the one answering them’?

Then, having reflected upon those things, take a moment to think about the story you are living in right now.

Begin to get a sense of where in your own life there exists for you a ‘can’t’ or shouldn’t.

Ask yourself the two questions and write down your answers. 

That’s the power of the ‘meta model’ of NLP and it’s only the smallest introduction. Is a six module on line program that prepares men to be truly present as the woman they love gives birth.  

We are learning machines, set on automatic…let’s tinker with the ‘patterns’?

An observation from my own learning history to date :

I began to see a ‘pattern’: 

I have seen it in my own learning over the years….I first ask myself what is this new teaching etc ‘like’….my patterned way of learning looked for similarities with what I already thought I knew in order to make sense of what was being said to me. 

It’s not a bad pattern, it’s just an habitual pattern that I had set on default, it’s one way of learning new things…..

A different way is to find an aspect of what’s being offered and to test it in your experience….TEST it. 

This way may involve suspending what you think it’s like, or what you think you know about it already…..and just following instructions while YOU TEST…

After you have some results from your tests you potentially have some learning which is NEW, maybe even transformational.  

The other way learning is defo useful, it’s served me for years, in my experience the way I’m suggesting you try on here is VERY DIFFERENT.

Is It Time To Set Goal? 

In the past at this time of year I have tended to get caught in something of a ‘goal setting’ trap. 

You know, that sense of frantic, simmering panic that if I don’t do something different things will be the same? 

Well, that way of thinking defiantly makes sense right? 

Doing the same things and expecting different results would be some people’s definition of madness. 

But, hold on a minute, it doesn’t take much reflection to realise that our most consistent actions do not need ‘thinking about’, they ‘just’ turn up again and again, running on automatic, just outside of our conscious awareness. 

The human animal seems to have evolved a perfect system for getting ‘survival’ done.

Chose a ‘pattern’ of behaviour, repeat a pattern of behaviour, forget why you chose it and just do it without having to actively think about it anymore. 

The ‘cherry on the top’ of this perfect ‘survival system’, is our relatively recent ability to now create a ‘story’ about our ‘automatic patterned behaviour’ and call it ‘just who we are’!

No human being experiences ‘reality’ directly. It’s easy to read over that last phrase……STOP…….and read it again. 

No human being experiences ‘reality’ directly.

You, right now are receiving  information from the ‘outside world’ (Reality, whoever that is) through your senses, that information gets transformed into your personal ‘map of the world’ and it’s your maps that are running you life. 

The maps that are running my life are doing it without much of my concious mind involvement. 

As I approach another New Year with many exciting projects ahead in 2017 and beyond, these two ways of seeing the world are making a massive difference to my planning and thinking.

Becoming clearer and clearer about the ‘stories’ I am living in, those which are set on automatic, begins to create a sense of peace in  me as  a place to come from, rather than a place to get to.

Goal setting seems such a good thing too do, and it can be when flowing from Peace, too often in my experience goal setting has been a panicked response to trying to GET peace, and from that place has seldom been helpful. 

What is your ‘experience’ of the ‘story’ you are living in at the moment?  

Unravelling those ‘stories’ and ‘Seeing’ the story beneath it is a great starting place. 

The most powerful ‘intentions’ I set are paradoxically the ones I forget about , when they unfold I’m surprised.

Setting an intention is powerful communication with unconscious process.

Spend time ‘losing yourself’ in ‘intentions’, write em down, then burn em, feeling a deep sense of ‘Peace’.